GETTING EMOTIONAL....OVER MONEY WHAT ELSE

Online poker is so damn sketchy...If I paid more attention to what went on, if I read more subjectpoker.com, about FT and its 60million player loans, I would've cashed out my entire roll and moved over to stars after black Friday. Too late now, I've been optimist for the past month, patiently waiting for my withdrawals, digging into my savings, putting shit on my credit cards. When I got a $1k instadebit monday it felt like rain on a forest fire. The $2k check was sent out apparently but I am honestly not hopping for much at this point. Plus another 1k in process and 4k life roll, I guess I have about $8k in limbo status...

I'm gonna stop reading 2p2 for a while, so much emotion in ppl's posts...I still think everyone will get their money back in the long run...how can these pros show their faces if they don't? don't disappoint me mr. Ivey ,you're still my hero.

my dad's always told me about debt, never to go in debt, pay back credit card bills on time, don't easily take loans...etc I've been thinking, what the fk is the point? you can make a good living, make enough to support yourself, your family, your house, cars, and in the end find out even though you yourself's not in debt, your fkn employer is...U.S Gov't has some 20 trillion debt, printing money like it's nothing...Cereus poker had over 50mil in player debts while having only 6 mil liquidity LMAO....moments like black friday show what ppl's true colors are...I heard the reason Stars management was better than FT and handled their money better was because their owners are jewish..

I try to remain calm...but I don't blame anyone getting emotional over all this...I feel like such a pawn and the game's jus getting dirtier...How can I trust FT, or even Stars after this past 2 months? I had just talked to CJ about staking me on Stars when I go back to Beijing...I feel now I am responsible to let him know that there are factors and risks outside our control, and the sketchy nature of this business.

官商勾結有大撚把法律"LA"走

趕盡殺絕唔會留番條路俾我走

踢出三寸街外錢唔留俾阿豬阿狗

大魚大肉D富商話之你贱過隻狗

gaining back my confidence...

We all feed off each other, positively or negatively, doesn't matter what the distance is...CJ's gonna be alright, for the past month all I could do was call and check up on him from time to time, try to take some pressure off him. He's tough, handling everything to protect his mother. I can seriously picture everything he's going through. Now everything's turning for the better, we're feeling positive, looking towards Beijing, the future...

Poker's going back on track, my cashflow's messed though, having only cashed out 400 in the past month lol...I guess there's a give and a take, the challenge I set up with Ian is working, I haven't been spewing money at least. $3400 still processing...I'm not too worried anymore, up $4400 so far this month. CJ said the real money will be made after I go to BJ...I know this is true as well, I can feel it now as the date gets closer. A brand new environment, more ways, reasons for me to work hard and make dough...life will be good. I will never be contempt with what I have.

My dad would ask me if it's possible for me to get a legit job in Beijing, work at a big pharmaceutical company using my family connections. I said no, I will not work another job for someone else, Medical Pharmacy will be the last workplace for me. When asked if I would keep playing poker I said yes, he goes "你。。上了贼船“ (you're fallen and can't turn back or some shit) LOL.

I was bragging to someone recently that I get to wake up whenever I want and work whenever I want but the truth is I am getting more and more bored by the day...Plus the stress built inside me from few months ago is taking a toll on me, I decided to smoke up a few days in a row...1 blunt 1st day, didn't get high at all, 2 on the 2nd and on the 3rd I got baby girl over and smoked a couple real big ones...I realize that when I get really drunk or high, unlike most people who get loud, I stay dead silent and immobile. I felt lazy while my friend jus acted gayer than his usual gay.

The kush did nothing for me, I don't think I will do it for a while actually. In all seriousness I am currently considering to volunteer at some bud-hist temples in toronto. This idea came from reading Hokie Greg's blog where he mentioned that for a while he felt empty with just grinding and felt the need to contribute to society in some ways rather than just taking money from people on the internet. I'm feeling the same way recently...disconnected and selfish. I gotta do something more meaningful to balance my mind.

after the kush....lol

MAY

$3k after rakeback and bonuses, average stakes i played was only 60. I played conservatively and only played for 80 hours last month. The feeling of having my funds in limbo is probably the reason why I played so little volume and at lower stakes. sure I wasn't rolled for 100+ but my $2000 check from 4 weeks ago is still "processing"

I feel it's a time to look at how I've done over this past year since I started playing on FT in May 2010. From May - November 2010 I played part-time while working a full time job, and I took a whole month off in September 2010 away from poker. Nov 2010 - present I've been playing full time, averaging at about 90 hours/month. These are the results from FT, Stars, Cake. May 2010 to present

With store, leaderboard, reload bonuses, I've made about 41k, 6 of the 12 months playing full time volume. I should be contempt with these results, and happy to continue doing this for another year at least. I just hope online poker stays the way it is for me.

Got my plane ticket for end of august, if i can make 5k/month in beijing i'll be baller status. I estimate that my monthly expense in beijing will never exceed 1500 u.s. (rent 500, food 300, the rest = whatever i want) What's even more exciting is the fact that we'll be setting up shop ASAP. I'm getting pumped, I honestly hate depending on poker as a sole source of income, I've learnt this especially post black friday. Put it this way....if i ever vote on election day it would be because online poker is at stake in canada...im sick of watching these illiterate fks blow up and rake in so much dough in china...I'm so much better than these people in every single way...I need to get my slice.

People feeling my pain, a mental bond shared
Been through so many struggles only to persevere
Remember when we hustled, knowing the 1st was near
That's when that money doubled, then we purchased gear
Now was it worth my trouble? It was my first career