I notice lately my blog's content drifts away from poker and into random subjects. I've gone off track, I forgot the original purpose. This is just temporary, I will be back on track and write more poker relevant entries. It's just that I really have nothing worth reporting in terms of poker results, progress.
I will definitely end this blog soon on a high note. I will mentally elevate and stay levitated when the saga finally ends and I feel that day may be arriving very soon.
My bros giving me strength. Paape said we heal each other, my blood test is back and I am 100%. His knee will be fine when he get his result. We both went to doctor on same day, I got good news, and he's gonna get his, no other way, that's how it'll be, cuz we same branch.
Will I slay the dragon? I no longer care because Paape asked me what my initial instincts were and if I still trust them. He reminds me that whatever happens, it's what I get out of this whole thing that's worth gold. We gonna get BIG, I will never settle for anything less in said category.
I got off phone with CJ, he's been concerned about me losing motivation since I came back to Canada. I could tell from his voice. I ask him if he still believe in me, that if I told him this is only temporary and I would be back in the game stronger than ever he'd put all his faith in me. He told me he's not worried, he said that even though I spewed money in the past and got myself in my current situation, I've always liked nice things and always knew how to get it since back in the days writing essays for ESL kids for $50/ . it's sick to hear those words from someone who always criticized my spending habits.
It's GRIND TIME, sorry i'm so fkn bipolar phil galfond, I respect your blog but happiness can wait and I will sacrifice anything for EV atm. I'll read that shit again when I have a comfortable balance in my bank account, poker bankroll, nice whip and email full of condo prices.
I've been going at it none stop past couple days. stupid nurse at the doctors office didn't know what she was doing, my arm been in pain past 2 weeks, at first it came from a single point but eventually it spread and my entire arm started feeling numb.
So for 2 weeks I couldn't go do break dance or practice. I woke up this morning, was supposed to take day off like I usually do first day of the month. But I said what the hell, do I really need to rest? Plus, by some miracle the pain completely went away.
I predicted rebuilding would take up all summer, I'm paying for all the shit I did/didn't do in beijing. Come september im gonna hit the reset button, and pull myself back on track where I was. Am I stressed out? probably. but do I ever for a second doubted getting back to where i was? hell no.
i'm spilling random thoughts, i'll try to tie it all together by the end of this entry...past 2 days I been grinding with paape, something we stopped doing for a while...we started this thing lately where we would write rhymes back n forth...what I learnt from all this is this: I need this nigga by my side, if not physically, I need his presence in some form. If you think it's gay you can do yourself favor and stop reading.
I write rhymes, but my best ones are from the times we write together, while we grind, send songs, and bullshit. My best poker months came from a period where constant motivation, communication between us was not just a must, it was the air we breathed. out of all the regs, our 4man results were the best and that's hard statistical results. I stopped working out for almost a year, parents, friends all tell me to exercise more but I don't listen. Paape calls me and goes "john, i want you to start taking breakdance classes" and boom I do it right away.
We believe in each other, not blindly, when I tell him my thoughts, goals, no matter how unrealistic, "DO IT" is what I get from him. it's not fake either, basis is we both competitive and passionate and we both involved in something that's literally the purest form of hustle. decisions we make on a minute-minute basis is what determine profit. dude just placed 2nd,3rd mtts back to back in past 2 days. I'm feeding off him, i was walking down to the store to buy cigarettes and all I saw was dollar signs literally like it's the 1st of the month.
My life did a 180 recently, too much shit happened in such short notice. I couldn't accept them all at once but what choice do i have? I've been living under such double standard hypocrisy bullshit almost my entire life. the greatest joy in life was from the years I was out on my own. I've always fantasized revenge and the satisfaction I would get but I'm afraid that might never come anymore.
it's all good, because this is what i'm all about...I excel at times like this because it's so raw and simple. desire, discipline, dedication is all i need. I have a goal, a target to reach and a certain amount of time to get there, all that's in the way is not being my own enemy along the way.
i took a shit jus now and it felt awesome, i flushed down all the bullshit ideas incepted in my brain this past year, all the negativity i was fed. i don't need other ppl's opinions, especially on this matter...especially when most of these opinions are from ppl of inferior intellect.
some ppl want a challenge in life, some want to play it safe, its cool and i respect both. but don't be a hypocrite, don't tell me to play it safe when you gambled with your future when you were at my age. it paid off didn't it?
been listening to a lot of curren$y lately...dude's awesome, love how he's rapping about his life. his story is awesome, dude sold music for free and drives a Ferrari out of sheer discipline and talent. I saw the video of him driving it for first time and the excitement in him when he said "i don even have a bed to sleep in and i got myself a Ferrari" HAHAHA awesome.
this shit never gets old, call it mashochism or watever, but at least at the end of it i know i'll either be way up in sky or way down bottom of ocean.
blood related or not, you cross that thin line when you get in the way of my hustle, this is not the first time, think wisely before you give me any additional stress.
