What I'm going thru right now is sick like diesel inside my veins, I get hit hardest at the harshest times, at the most critical moments when all critics have their eyes on me. I feel like everyone's watching, I'm getting paranoid, trying to keep track of EV in everything I do related/unrelated to grinding.
CJ recited me a horoscope piece where the author used one trait to describe what each horoscope depend on to get by. Cancer's was obviously family, Gemini = courage. I'm already over the fact that poker dictates how my mood is, it's been like this for me forever. Distractions help but at the end of the day, all that's left between me and the brutal downswings is myself.
-60 bi last September, almost busted my roll at a time when money was needed the most. -100bi in the past 2k games right now on stars. For a while now I've been grinding to cover monthly expense of $2k with a bankroll below $1k. I did it with success but as I make out the finish line I'm running out of steam. -100 is no fkn joke. It fkn hurts. Full tilt back on Nov 6th, my dick's not even hard.
I can handle the pain, problem is the mistake I made of involving too many people into my venture. It really goes against why I decided to pursue this shit in the first place. I promise I won't talk about this shit with anyone who doesn't have a fkn clue about poker from now. Most of you will never understand, and it's only because you've NEVER taken on anything like this in your life. When you decide to offer your advice next time, please think it thru first. Your problem solving skills that are efficient for your boring 9-5 is nowhere near sufficient to connect these dots. There are so many factors, variables in what I'm dealing with, this ain't connect 5, compared to what you do I might as well be mapping out the universe.
I will push through, but after all this, after I get back on my feet, I'm not carrying anyone anymore. I'mma be the selfish bastard like I set out to be, it's just me and my grind, not involving anyone else in this. R.A.W forever.
As a kid I killed two adults, I’m too advanced
I lived my 20's at two years old, the wiser man
Truth be told, I’m like '86
Wicked as 80 reverends in a pool of fire with devils holding hands
From the distance, don’t know which one is a Christian.. damn
Who can I trust in 2012? There’s no one not even myself
A Gemini screaming for help, somebody
PANDA HIBERNATION
