zhuo 7:20:14 AM
THEIR LOGIC IS FKN RETARDED
zhuo 7:20:22 AM
"IF HE'S NOT AGGRESSIVE, THAT MEANS HE'S NOT SERIOUS"
zhuo 7:20:36 AM
EAT A DICK
c.k1ng 7:20:57 AM
哈哈哈
c.k1ng 7:20:58 AM
对
c.k1ng 7:21:02 AM
lol
c.k1ng 7:21:05 AM
脑残
c.k1ng 7:21:24 AM
因为中国SB男生=没尊严at all
c.k1ng 7:21:43 AM
...哇...大美女...
c.k1ng 7:21:44 AM
操
c.k1ng 7:21:46 AM
我看着都恶心
zhuo 7:22:25 AM
哈哈哈哈
zhuo 7:22:29 AM
IM GONNA WRITE THIS IN MY BLOG
Friday, February 11, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
I live in tragedy
I've written pretty personal stuff before, but not like this. I'm gonna think carefully before each word I'm about to put out because I don't want to feel any regret reading this afterward, not in a year, not ever.
Where to start? Lately I really feel the pressure creeping inside me, pressure like this is unexplainable, I don't think most people experience this in a lifetime. Sleep is no longer possible, it's become an idea in my head. I guess a lot of this pressure I put on myself by setting goals that are too high to reach at the time, procrastinating.
I started pro poker in mid November, made 4k in nov, close to 8k in dec, and 4k in jan. Not too bad but I fell short of my targets and felt down most of the time. I expected to quit my job and do 10k months easily but didn't factor in a lot of things. Only few of my friends know this...my winnings don't all go to myself, I've been helping out the family with bills for the past 2 years. I do so with pride, never looked at it as a burden because honestly, I feel confident, and couple hundred is nothing to me.
I've never been in good relations with my dad for an extended period because he has a side that is so fucking unbelievably hypocritical and phony, a side he shows only to my mom and me. Back in August, I basically sat down with him and explained that I was thinking of quitting my job to pursue full time poker. He knew how much I was making and although hesitant at first he eventually said I could do it to make more cash because there aren't many high paying jobs in Canada that would provide the same....as expected, practical and to the point, how he is most of the time.
Fast forward to October, I return from China after a month long vacation. Within a couple days of my return, I feel like something wasn't right, and as expected he has this "conversation" with me. I was prepared to answer his questions and knew what kinda questions he had. How much I spent, did I bust my poker money completely, am I starting over, will I still quit my job? I told him yes, I am quitting and got annoyed, eventually I silenced him telling him that nothing is changing, my plan will carry forward. I told him I was gonna make at least $5,000/month and he said he was relieved and WAS HAPPY FOR ME...He said as long as I can keep up my end of the deal he has nothing against it.
Come Feb 2nd, Chinese New Years. Mom goes outside to shovel after dinner, soon as she step out, he says something like "you know, I don't want you bringing people to the house anymore, not for poker, not for video games, not for anything, that stuff make me sick." At this point, I would like to point out something about me, I've been told that I raise my voice a lot by a lot of people, well....that's cuz a lot of people are retarded, make no sense, are completely illogical, and that's how my voice sound when I talk to people who are retarded, make no sense, and completely illogical.
ME: "WHY?"
HIM: "BECAUSE IT'S MY HOUSE AND I SAID SO"?
At this point I knew what was gonna happen and I was about to unleash on him. I knew also that he would tell me to lower my voice and make the empty threat he always make by telling me "then you should just move out". Everyone who's been there in the past few times I moved out knows that the reasons have been the same...He randomly act all bitch and expect me to say hail hitler and not question him.
I reminded him that he still hasn't changed the locks on our door after renting the basement out to god knows how many tenants in the past 10 years and he's bitching about my harmless friends comming over. He then says that I have been living an abnormal life and have no social circle, doing nothing but playing poker. I admit, I've been pretty focused on poker ever since going pro but wtf, how can I sleep at 12 and wake up at 8 everyday? Does any 24 year old do that? I told him I spend no longer than 4 hours a day on most days and he just bitched about me bringing friends over/being antisocial. HYPOCRITE AS ALWAYS.
He then hit me with this comment which basically triggered me going berserk "Poker is not even something that is recognized, there is no skill, intellect, education involved to do it" I would like to point out at this point that sometimes I think my dad's a fairly intelligent individual, but he knows how to bend words, set double standards, be a complete hypocrite like any good dictator, phony politician. I remember even certain relatives were indirectly throwing comments at him in that matter during my time in China which made me kinda pissed off at the time even.
So after pointing out he's being a hypocrite by telling me I can't bring anyone over and having no social life, he changes the subject again and digs out an age old topic "why can't you go to school"? WELL CUZ I FKN LOCKED THAT ONE UP HOW MANY YEARS AGO? AND HOW ABOUT THAT IF I DO, YOU WON'T PAY FOR IT AND NEITHER WOULD I? AND I DON'T WANT TO BE IN DEBT FOR 20-30GS, JOBLESS, IN MY 30S, KINDA LIKE A LOT OF MY FRIENDS RIGHT NOW?
He questions if I'm really making any $$ from poker and at this point this whole thing is started to turn into something of a joke, like he's starting to play more of the role of a clueless resident at a retirement home. I said are you fkn kidding me? AGAIN? I jus made $800 just now before dinner, $5k last month, the month before that. "You don't have proof, you can't say that if you can't show me proof" LOL....
I told him in details again and said I had proof and it's extremely lame how I feel like rather than talking to my father, it feels like I'm talking to a kid. He finally interrupts me and said "You know what John? don't think I'm impressed or envious by any of this".......
I mean I could end it here, but no I have to explain some back stories as well. I fear talking to him, every time he tries to talk to me he would always start with "you're not losing lately are you"? "Are you sure you're smart enough for this?" He's been putting me down, taking stabs at my confidence forever, encouraging me to finish school, telling me that I can do it but when I say no, he'll tell me how immature I am, how useless I am without him. How I can't take care of myself if I did move out, completely ignoring the fact that I was living on my own during University for almost 3 years.
In the end, this is what I get, from my family...sarcasm, put downs, I mean I'm not stupid, I can picture what happened that led to this. He prolly talked to his friend and they mentioned that their son just finished so n so degree aat watever school, working at idongiveafk company kissing ass. He probably was embarrassed to tell them what I'm doing, sure I understand him, I would be embarrassed too if i'm some chink living in feudal china, where all my cousins fuck each other and make ugly ass babies.
FK THIS SHIT, I'm not mad, I know what's gonna happen, I'm gonna tell them I'm moving out, to Beijing, to play poker, not gonna tell them about my other plans obviously because he will have hard time believing that I can accomplish it haha. He's gonna put on his pride face and say "ya move out, I don't care" Then within 1 month he's gonna ask my mom to email me, asking me to come back because in his own words "our family should stick together" HLY FK ARE U KIDDING ME? IM A HU POKER PLAYER, WHAT YOU THINK, I KNOW YOUR STUPID TENDENCIES SO WELL BY NOW. You just owned yourself, I'm not a kid anymore, no one can take your shit, mom complains to me all the time and the only reason she's putting up with your hypocrisy is cuz she's tired after all these years.
To everyone who's ever commented that I constantly seem to be out to prove something, I hope you know why now? I've always carried my weight all by myself, if I can save listening to negative comments, sarcasm, I gladly hold it all inside of me, it's unhealthy, I don't gain weight because of it, can't sleep because of it, used to empty a pack of cigarettes because of it.
To my friends, don't worry about me, all this shit do is push me harder, I've been grinding like mad since Feb 1st, it's that time of the month, all I see is $$ signs. Up $1800 this month.
I've never asked for support, kind words, assurance, all I ever ask for from most people is to be left alone, not drag me down to their degenerate levels.
I will update this blog one more time for Feb results and I will probably not update it as often...Thanks for reading
Where to start? Lately I really feel the pressure creeping inside me, pressure like this is unexplainable, I don't think most people experience this in a lifetime. Sleep is no longer possible, it's become an idea in my head. I guess a lot of this pressure I put on myself by setting goals that are too high to reach at the time, procrastinating.
I started pro poker in mid November, made 4k in nov, close to 8k in dec, and 4k in jan. Not too bad but I fell short of my targets and felt down most of the time. I expected to quit my job and do 10k months easily but didn't factor in a lot of things. Only few of my friends know this...my winnings don't all go to myself, I've been helping out the family with bills for the past 2 years. I do so with pride, never looked at it as a burden because honestly, I feel confident, and couple hundred is nothing to me.
I've never been in good relations with my dad for an extended period because he has a side that is so fucking unbelievably hypocritical and phony, a side he shows only to my mom and me. Back in August, I basically sat down with him and explained that I was thinking of quitting my job to pursue full time poker. He knew how much I was making and although hesitant at first he eventually said I could do it to make more cash because there aren't many high paying jobs in Canada that would provide the same....as expected, practical and to the point, how he is most of the time.
Fast forward to October, I return from China after a month long vacation. Within a couple days of my return, I feel like something wasn't right, and as expected he has this "conversation" with me. I was prepared to answer his questions and knew what kinda questions he had. How much I spent, did I bust my poker money completely, am I starting over, will I still quit my job? I told him yes, I am quitting and got annoyed, eventually I silenced him telling him that nothing is changing, my plan will carry forward. I told him I was gonna make at least $5,000/month and he said he was relieved and WAS HAPPY FOR ME...He said as long as I can keep up my end of the deal he has nothing against it.
Come Feb 2nd, Chinese New Years. Mom goes outside to shovel after dinner, soon as she step out, he says something like "you know, I don't want you bringing people to the house anymore, not for poker, not for video games, not for anything, that stuff make me sick." At this point, I would like to point out something about me, I've been told that I raise my voice a lot by a lot of people, well....that's cuz a lot of people are retarded, make no sense, are completely illogical, and that's how my voice sound when I talk to people who are retarded, make no sense, and completely illogical.
ME: "WHY?"
HIM: "BECAUSE IT'S MY HOUSE AND I SAID SO"?
At this point I knew what was gonna happen and I was about to unleash on him. I knew also that he would tell me to lower my voice and make the empty threat he always make by telling me "then you should just move out". Everyone who's been there in the past few times I moved out knows that the reasons have been the same...He randomly act all bitch and expect me to say hail hitler and not question him.
I reminded him that he still hasn't changed the locks on our door after renting the basement out to god knows how many tenants in the past 10 years and he's bitching about my harmless friends comming over. He then says that I have been living an abnormal life and have no social circle, doing nothing but playing poker. I admit, I've been pretty focused on poker ever since going pro but wtf, how can I sleep at 12 and wake up at 8 everyday? Does any 24 year old do that? I told him I spend no longer than 4 hours a day on most days and he just bitched about me bringing friends over/being antisocial. HYPOCRITE AS ALWAYS.
He then hit me with this comment which basically triggered me going berserk "Poker is not even something that is recognized, there is no skill, intellect, education involved to do it" I would like to point out at this point that sometimes I think my dad's a fairly intelligent individual, but he knows how to bend words, set double standards, be a complete hypocrite like any good dictator, phony politician. I remember even certain relatives were indirectly throwing comments at him in that matter during my time in China which made me kinda pissed off at the time even.
So after pointing out he's being a hypocrite by telling me I can't bring anyone over and having no social life, he changes the subject again and digs out an age old topic "why can't you go to school"? WELL CUZ I FKN LOCKED THAT ONE UP HOW MANY YEARS AGO? AND HOW ABOUT THAT IF I DO, YOU WON'T PAY FOR IT AND NEITHER WOULD I? AND I DON'T WANT TO BE IN DEBT FOR 20-30GS, JOBLESS, IN MY 30S, KINDA LIKE A LOT OF MY FRIENDS RIGHT NOW?
He questions if I'm really making any $$ from poker and at this point this whole thing is started to turn into something of a joke, like he's starting to play more of the role of a clueless resident at a retirement home. I said are you fkn kidding me? AGAIN? I jus made $800 just now before dinner, $5k last month, the month before that. "You don't have proof, you can't say that if you can't show me proof" LOL....
I told him in details again and said I had proof and it's extremely lame how I feel like rather than talking to my father, it feels like I'm talking to a kid. He finally interrupts me and said "You know what John? don't think I'm impressed or envious by any of this".......
I mean I could end it here, but no I have to explain some back stories as well. I fear talking to him, every time he tries to talk to me he would always start with "you're not losing lately are you"? "Are you sure you're smart enough for this?" He's been putting me down, taking stabs at my confidence forever, encouraging me to finish school, telling me that I can do it but when I say no, he'll tell me how immature I am, how useless I am without him. How I can't take care of myself if I did move out, completely ignoring the fact that I was living on my own during University for almost 3 years.
In the end, this is what I get, from my family...sarcasm, put downs, I mean I'm not stupid, I can picture what happened that led to this. He prolly talked to his friend and they mentioned that their son just finished so n so degree aat watever school, working at idongiveafk company kissing ass. He probably was embarrassed to tell them what I'm doing, sure I understand him, I would be embarrassed too if i'm some chink living in feudal china, where all my cousins fuck each other and make ugly ass babies.
FK THIS SHIT, I'm not mad, I know what's gonna happen, I'm gonna tell them I'm moving out, to Beijing, to play poker, not gonna tell them about my other plans obviously because he will have hard time believing that I can accomplish it haha. He's gonna put on his pride face and say "ya move out, I don't care" Then within 1 month he's gonna ask my mom to email me, asking me to come back because in his own words "our family should stick together" HLY FK ARE U KIDDING ME? IM A HU POKER PLAYER, WHAT YOU THINK, I KNOW YOUR STUPID TENDENCIES SO WELL BY NOW. You just owned yourself, I'm not a kid anymore, no one can take your shit, mom complains to me all the time and the only reason she's putting up with your hypocrisy is cuz she's tired after all these years.
To everyone who's ever commented that I constantly seem to be out to prove something, I hope you know why now? I've always carried my weight all by myself, if I can save listening to negative comments, sarcasm, I gladly hold it all inside of me, it's unhealthy, I don't gain weight because of it, can't sleep because of it, used to empty a pack of cigarettes because of it.
To my friends, don't worry about me, all this shit do is push me harder, I've been grinding like mad since Feb 1st, it's that time of the month, all I see is $$ signs. Up $1800 this month.
I've never asked for support, kind words, assurance, all I ever ask for from most people is to be left alone, not drag me down to their degenerate levels.
I will update this blog one more time for Feb results and I will probably not update it as often...Thanks for reading
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
January Results
STARS -$736
FT $3,571
BLACKCARD $375
YEAR END BONUS 475
LEADERBOARD BONUS 300
PROFIT: $3985
FKKKK......I'm disappointed in my results, that's all I can say. 1200 games, I've been running below 5%ROI ever since mid November...
CJ pointed out that I always would start off strong at start of month, then weak midmonth and finish kinda strong at the end.....It make sense cuz i think of it as me procrastinating, playing too few games at the beginning while i'm on a heater...downswing comes and I think O SHIT I NEED TO PUT IN VOLUME.....
I'm gonna do something different this month, put in serious volume at the start of month, aiming for 1500 games cuz i'm doing a lot of turbos now. I can't keep doing this...I really am walking a thin line with no net, can't start spending like crazy after a $1k day.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Real Talk
Welcome to 2011 where everybody’s the realest
Everyone who a midget, say they do it the biggest
Every part of ya business is everybody business
Got my name all in your mouth
I should have been a dentist
Yeah, everybody done did it
Everybody’s a critic
I still think my biggest leaks are outside of the game..I had too many discussions lately about my spending habits. I remember clearly, the first thing I did after dropping $2k in 45 mins was log on to online banking and pay bills, and cash out a sum of spending money. January is not gonna be a good month, 3 days left and although I am optimistic, I definitely feel somewhat dissappointed in my poker results for the past 3 months.
That aside, I want to use this entry to talk about something that's been constantly on my mind. I strongly believe that who you are as a person is determined by those around you, ppl who are important at specific points in your life. While some might say I am no longer who I used to be, that I am cold or distant, but it's not true. All I want to do is keep it simple, filter out the useless chatter from useless people. I am tired of relationships, partnerships that go nowhere in the end, tired of weak minded people bailing out on me. Tired of negative degenerates spreading their weak shit onto me, trying hard to make me feel worthless like they feel on daily basis.
Tired of exposing phonies, seriously, at this time in my life I finally realize that it's better to just avoid them than waste my time on them. At the end of the day, no one wants to be hated. I WANT TO SHOW ALL OF MY HATERS LOVE!!! We're just not built the same, I do what I do because I am good at it, enjoy doing it. This is no way a masquerade, I am currently making a living off this with no other form of support financially or mentally. The is the purest form of hustle, transforming technique and skill directly into $. Don't get it mixed up man, don't tell me how good you are when you got rich daddy covering up for your ass. I am a pro, you just a pretend pro, telling me stories about crushing live games. Everything about you is phony, My #s are always open book, yours will forever be a mystery. FACT: most live players are life time losers, you might've done that 10 years ago, but now you's a fish, a dirty fish.
Shoutout to Robert Paape. Rob's 21, 1/2 the age as you peeps, and 2wice as real. In his own words, ya'll considered "LIFE FISH". He mentioned in his previous video blog that my confidence and discipline rubbed off on him, I meant to tell him that it's always been the same way for me too. At times he's a reflection of myself when i was his age, maybe only a bit smarter, and definitely more confident. Seeing him crush heads up only makes me realize all the time I wasted back then.
I hope I'm finally on the right track.......take better care of my money and ball it up this year.
PEACE
我就在床上
不骚不浪
劈开双腿 translation : YOUR FACE IS THE MONA LISA, YOUR ASS IS THE MASTERPIECE
Saturday, January 22, 2011
PWND TWICE IN A DAY
CJ says he admire me for having guts for what I did, but I think I was just being an aggro fish. I think I confuse a lot of people from being passive/indecisive to super loose aggressive in an instant. this experience definitely helped and I am no longer a level 1 hero, death knight leveled up to 2!!
I been out of the game for too long, plus my low confidence didn't help. Guess this started after I went pro, I feel out of it no matter what I do, over analyzed things, took the wrong line completely. I never used to run things with people before making a decision, but lately I find myself being such a nit. Plenty of reassurance is needed from others before I do something, by the time I get to taking action I no longer remember the purpose...
Poker drifted from my priorities somewhere this month, I'm still putting in the right volume and playing fine imo. However, I find that my leaks exist outside of poker right now...I don't want to be a life fish like some of my friends, and time is ticking.
At least one thing is still certain...I ain't living off the strength of noone, controls my fate, I hold my weight.
Shout out to my bros for all the support I got, for listening to my bs.
I been out of the game for too long, plus my low confidence didn't help. Guess this started after I went pro, I feel out of it no matter what I do, over analyzed things, took the wrong line completely. I never used to run things with people before making a decision, but lately I find myself being such a nit. Plenty of reassurance is needed from others before I do something, by the time I get to taking action I no longer remember the purpose...
Poker drifted from my priorities somewhere this month, I'm still putting in the right volume and playing fine imo. However, I find that my leaks exist outside of poker right now...I don't want to be a life fish like some of my friends, and time is ticking.
At least one thing is still certain...I ain't living off the strength of noone, controls my fate, I hold my weight.
Shout out to my bros for all the support I got, for listening to my bs.
Was trapped but still intuitive learn to switch routes in drought
My reality's placed on principalities so
Any casualties gracefully done carefully
The real attracted me re-exchange and bill
Mathematically calculating maintain and chill
My reality's placed on principalities so
Any casualties gracefully done carefully
The real attracted me re-exchange and bill
Mathematically calculating maintain and chill
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
hahaha lollol ths shit is funny....
Mike Matusow: go dyour so good
livb112: i know
Mike Matusow: u have worst hand every time and win
livb112: really every time?
Mike Matusow: remind me when u win a match with the best hand
livb112: u get all ur rake back and 35/hr and u still cant make money mike
Mike Matusow: ill mark it down
livb112: why dont u sell ur account to an online player again mike
Mike Matusow: really that why i got 5 million in my bank account
Mike Matusow: hows your bank account
Mike Matusow: ty for letting me know how im doing though
livb112: i dont know how ur doing
livb112: just how u do in online poker
livb112: funny that u grind 1k super turbos with 5 million in ur bank account
livb112: with 5 million in ur bank account
livb112: why dont we play 5ks
Mike Matusow: come to aria today we can play as high as u want
Mike Matusow: dont play high limit in video games
livb112: lol
Mike Matusow: ill be ther eat noon
Mike Matusow: wating for u
livb112: im not in vegas bud
Mike Matusow: for 5k sngs u should jump a flight you will be ther by then
Mike Matusow: ill even come at 2 to give u time
livb112: i have a theory about live poker mike
livb112: my theory is this
livb112: bascialyl everyone that is around that plays live poker
livb112: are the people who have run good
Mike Matusow: 5
Mike Matusow: 5
Dealer: Mike Matusow belegt den ersten Platz und gewinnt folgenden Preis: $2,000
Mike Matusow (Beobachter): u got unlucky ther
Mike Matusow: i used to like u then u became anpother %#&&y fking internt fk head
livb112: u used to like me?
livb112: why?
livb112: i dont know u
livb112: u dont know me
Mike Matusow: must been someone else on your acccoutn that i talked to on aim then
livb112: we spoke for 5 minutes and u asked me for money
Mike Matusow: i asked u for money lol
livb112: ya u did
Mike Matusow: dude u are dillusional
livb112: um no im not
livb112: i instantly bloccked u
livb112: i remember perfectly
Mike Matusow: just keep grinding enjoy yoru pathetic life dont talk to me anymore
livb112: mike do me a favor
livb112: google pluto from popeye
livb112: then go to image
livb112: if ur on the rail, this is a fun exercise
livb112: google pluto from popeye and go to image
Mike Matusow: caue im playing these for fun hes trying to survive off them
livb112: im trying to survive?
Mike Matusow: that iw pathetic
livb112: i used to like u mike
livb112: then u became a cyberbully
Mike Matusow: i muted him dont want npthing to do with him anymore
livb112: i know
Mike Matusow: u have worst hand every time and win
livb112: really every time?
Mike Matusow: remind me when u win a match with the best hand
livb112: u get all ur rake back and 35/hr and u still cant make money mike
Mike Matusow: ill mark it down
livb112: why dont u sell ur account to an online player again mike
Mike Matusow: really that why i got 5 million in my bank account
Mike Matusow: hows your bank account
Mike Matusow: ty for letting me know how im doing though
livb112: i dont know how ur doing
livb112: just how u do in online poker
livb112: funny that u grind 1k super turbos with 5 million in ur bank account
livb112: with 5 million in ur bank account
livb112: why dont we play 5ks
Mike Matusow: come to aria today we can play as high as u want
Mike Matusow: dont play high limit in video games
livb112: lol
Mike Matusow: ill be ther eat noon
Mike Matusow: wating for u
livb112: im not in vegas bud
Mike Matusow: for 5k sngs u should jump a flight you will be ther by then
Mike Matusow: ill even come at 2 to give u time
livb112: i have a theory about live poker mike
livb112: my theory is this
livb112: bascialyl everyone that is around that plays live poker
livb112: are the people who have run good
Mike Matusow: 5
Mike Matusow: 5
Dealer: Mike Matusow belegt den ersten Platz und gewinnt folgenden Preis: $2,000
Mike Matusow (Beobachter): u got unlucky ther
Mike Matusow: i used to like u then u became anpother %#&&y fking internt fk head
livb112: u used to like me?
livb112: why?
livb112: i dont know u
livb112: u dont know me
Mike Matusow: must been someone else on your acccoutn that i talked to on aim then
livb112: we spoke for 5 minutes and u asked me for money
Mike Matusow: i asked u for money lol
livb112: ya u did
Mike Matusow: dude u are dillusional
livb112: um no im not
livb112: i instantly bloccked u
livb112: i remember perfectly
Mike Matusow: just keep grinding enjoy yoru pathetic life dont talk to me anymore
livb112: mike do me a favor
livb112: google pluto from popeye
livb112: then go to image
livb112: if ur on the rail, this is a fun exercise
livb112: google pluto from popeye and go to image
Mike Matusow: caue im playing these for fun hes trying to survive off them
livb112: im trying to survive?
Mike Matusow: that iw pathetic
livb112: i used to like u mike
livb112: then u became a cyberbully
Mike Matusow: i muted him dont want npthing to do with him anymore
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
stay positive
2 days ago I almost lost it, my eyes turned bloodshot and I was snap rematching this horrible reg at the $100s on stars 2 tabling. He was very spew aggro and was eager to get any draws in, played like he was on meds. I was prepared take his roll or lose mine, because I knew he wouldn't stop rematching either.
20ish games later i was down about $1k but I came back to my senses and decided to quit. He won most of the flips, 4bet shoved flush draws n got there twice and basically played like a moron, e.g 4bet shove 55 3rd hand of game....etc. I haven't gotten this pissed in a long time and realized that even after 2 years of part/full-time poker I am still capable of acting degenerate.
I calmed myself, next day I woke up a bit earlier and saw him at lobby, insta sat him and opened up 2nd game, got insta sat and continued. 3 games later i was 2-1 but he won 2 big flips and A9>AQ'd. Gonna keep playing this guy and bust him.
It might be because of the weather lately, I'm getting mildly depressed...I was told to take Vitamin D. Keeping up with gym, scheduled to see trainer tomorrow...I keep reminding myself that going pro's not easy, and I'm gonna have to improve my mindset, attitude, if I want to do this for 2 years...Maintaining a fixed schedule when I can wake up whenever I want is difficult, but I'm gonna keep trying, fail to succeed....BOOM
O ya, another thing to note, I will start coaching a friend of mine who's had very little experience w/ poker. I handed him NL THEORY BY SKLANSKY today and will start teaching him heads up tomorrow, in return he's gonna cook for me and do my laundry. I gave up coaching this one guy last year because that dude exhibited everything I hate about poker players, had no talent at all and was ridiculously degenerate...I felt like it was a complete waste of time for both of us. Hope this time it'll turn out better..I'm also doing this to review my own game theory, hhs, and to help getting into routine by waking up early. Black card updated and I want to average 1500 ftps from now on for the 3xftp....easily achievable if I can wake up early and play more sessions.
I am the truth, on a whole nother lvl
Who am I besides homie that expose the phoney?
20ish games later i was down about $1k but I came back to my senses and decided to quit. He won most of the flips, 4bet shoved flush draws n got there twice and basically played like a moron, e.g 4bet shove 55 3rd hand of game....etc. I haven't gotten this pissed in a long time and realized that even after 2 years of part/full-time poker I am still capable of acting degenerate.
I calmed myself, next day I woke up a bit earlier and saw him at lobby, insta sat him and opened up 2nd game, got insta sat and continued. 3 games later i was 2-1 but he won 2 big flips and A9>AQ'd. Gonna keep playing this guy and bust him.
It might be because of the weather lately, I'm getting mildly depressed...I was told to take Vitamin D. Keeping up with gym, scheduled to see trainer tomorrow...I keep reminding myself that going pro's not easy, and I'm gonna have to improve my mindset, attitude, if I want to do this for 2 years...Maintaining a fixed schedule when I can wake up whenever I want is difficult, but I'm gonna keep trying, fail to succeed....BOOM
O ya, another thing to note, I will start coaching a friend of mine who's had very little experience w/ poker. I handed him NL THEORY BY SKLANSKY today and will start teaching him heads up tomorrow, in return he's gonna cook for me and do my laundry. I gave up coaching this one guy last year because that dude exhibited everything I hate about poker players, had no talent at all and was ridiculously degenerate...I felt like it was a complete waste of time for both of us. Hope this time it'll turn out better..I'm also doing this to review my own game theory, hhs, and to help getting into routine by waking up early. Black card updated and I want to average 1500 ftps from now on for the 3xftp....easily achievable if I can wake up early and play more sessions.
I am the truth, on a whole nother lvl
Who am I besides homie that expose the phoney?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
panda's spiral of degeneracy
panda's not sleeping, eating well recently. panda's sleep schedule is completely fk'd, 3 melatonins won't put panda to bed. panda's eating no vegies, only meat, panda's having trouble taking a shit, panda took zantac but it didn't help....
panda can't decide if he's happy or not, panda's up $3.5k this month from poker but it don't feel that way somehow. The profit # loses meaning when grinding becomes a continuous never ending cycle...this weather makes panda sad...
panda's trying to continue this journey without letting his ego get in the way but it's hard when these dudes r like bitches, laying on their backs, mouthing off on panda like they still in high school. panda thinks jealousy is a motherfucker.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
it's ferocious when you broke and focused
Nah, I'm not broke but I maintained a "broke" mindset this month to help grinding. I zoned out all the temptations, kept up with gym 3 times a week. I basically focused on one thing, POKER. Profit-wise this is my biggest month of the year and yes it feels awesome to end on high note.
I played about 1200 games, met my volume target. Went through some really sick swings, broke even for about two weeks straight, overall ROI dropped from 10% to 7% at one point. I filtered out turbos, and my ROI for reg speeds is actually 11%. I ran terrible in $100s-$160s in a relatively small sample shown below:
Getting down my 3-4 tabling skillz, my game's improving I feel. Played a lot of regs this month, including a set of games against Robert which were certainly interesting...I'm sure we both learnt a lot from those. Feels like I've gained a deeper understanding of HUSNG VARIANCE this month, yes I am still bitching a lot and yes these swings are still painful as ever but I've learnt that there's definitely no way to escape, cheat it. In the past I wasn't sure if i was just unlucky because I played fewer games, but now the numbers are all working out when I'm grinding 1000 games/month. Masochistically, I might be even enjoying this process because everytime after one of these swings I feel I become emotionally stronger.
2011 will be a big year, I don't want to set a profit goal but definitely want to start making $10k/month soon, and definitely want to start playing $200-$300 when I get rolled for those. I've controlled my spending somewhat because it's simply easier to not spend that much when I'm not working...I don't feel the need to spoil myself buying stuff, getting massages all the time...
I STARTED OUT W/ 0 AND TURNED NOTHING INTO SOMETHING
EVEN IF U NEVER LIKED ME, U GOTTA BE PROUD OF ME
CUZ IF U LIKE ME NOW IMMA MAKE U LOVE ME
I played about 1200 games, met my volume target. Went through some really sick swings, broke even for about two weeks straight, overall ROI dropped from 10% to 7% at one point. I filtered out turbos, and my ROI for reg speeds is actually 11%. I ran terrible in $100s-$160s in a relatively small sample shown below:
Getting down my 3-4 tabling skillz, my game's improving I feel. Played a lot of regs this month, including a set of games against Robert which were certainly interesting...I'm sure we both learnt a lot from those. Feels like I've gained a deeper understanding of HUSNG VARIANCE this month, yes I am still bitching a lot and yes these swings are still painful as ever but I've learnt that there's definitely no way to escape, cheat it. In the past I wasn't sure if i was just unlucky because I played fewer games, but now the numbers are all working out when I'm grinding 1000 games/month. Masochistically, I might be even enjoying this process because everytime after one of these swings I feel I become emotionally stronger.
2011 will be a big year, I don't want to set a profit goal but definitely want to start making $10k/month soon, and definitely want to start playing $200-$300 when I get rolled for those. I've controlled my spending somewhat because it's simply easier to not spend that much when I'm not working...I don't feel the need to spoil myself buying stuff, getting massages all the time...
#14 on HUSNG HIGHEST LIMIT LEADERBOARD, #1 CANADIAN PLAYER LOL.....BOOOOOM
Current Heads Up SNG Leaderboard (Highest Limit)Dec 01 2010 ET -- Dec 31 2010 ET | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Rank | Player ID | Chips | |||
| 1 | mersenneary | United States | 419.0 | 20 x fav buyin | |
| 2 | kkenkk | Brazil | 373.5 | 16 x fav buyin | |
| 3 | tasasas | Russia | 320.5 | 14 x fav buyin | |
| 4 | Provokation | Germany | 310.5 | 12 x fav buyin | |
| 5 | Kierkegaard1 | United Kingdom | 310.0 | 11 x fav buyin | |
| 6 | DoubleKpl | Poland | 301.0 | 10 x fav buyin | |
| 7 | SzNuR | Russia | 299.5 | 9 x fav buyin | |
| 8 | notgoingnewhere | United Kingdom | 296.0 | 8 x fav buyin | |
| 9 | Brav3H3art | United Kingdom | 287.0 | 7 x fav buyin | |
| 10 | tressizback | United States | 272.0 | 6 x fav buyin | |
| 11 | The Sweeper | United States | 261.5 | 5 x fav buyin | |
| 12 | Sargon38 | United States | 257.5 | 5 x fav buyin | |
| 13 | goinfishn08 | United States | 253.5 | 5 x fav buyin | |
| 14 | john521 | Canada | 246.5 | 5 x fav buyin | |
PROFIT:
FT+STARS+CAKE+RB = $4821 (prolly closer to $7k cuz ROBBY took all the 4mans LOL)
FT HUSNG LEADERBOARD BONUS = $400
TOTAL : $5200
   | |
EVEN IF U NEVER LIKED ME, U GOTTA BE PROUD OF ME
CUZ IF U LIKE ME NOW IMMA MAKE U LOVE ME
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
week 1 update
I woke up yesterday to the news of the new poker legislation...that depressed me a lot...I ended up thinking bout that shit the whole day and reading the forums.
This is all it takes to fuck it up for everyone, the greed of a few men. Americans are too good at being politicians, using whatever means for self interest, to satisfy the needs of ppl who are already rich n powerful. I know I can easily add a third site to help with volume but I think what will end up happening for myself is fewer games/hr, fewer fish, less hourly rate, which means I have to start seriously grinding 5 hours a day...Which is fine, because lately I went back to my routine of getting up at 11 am, and sleeping at 3 am...I am putting in more sessions which each last 1-1.5 hour.
Profit this month so far is $2662 but is really closer to $3000 because of chops. I haven't played much so far in this 1st week, averaging about 3 hrs/day. My business w/ CJ is going real good...we're close to averaging 1 customer/day lol...I take care of receiving payments and he deals with their bullshit haha...Chinese customers=act like they own the shit out of you when you take their money...I.E. 30 yr old lady buys lingerie and continues bugging CJ about things like "hey do you think I would look good in this"?
Again, no profit goals this month, but definitely 1200 games by the 31st......FIRE
This is all it takes to fuck it up for everyone, the greed of a few men. Americans are too good at being politicians, using whatever means for self interest, to satisfy the needs of ppl who are already rich n powerful. I know I can easily add a third site to help with volume but I think what will end up happening for myself is fewer games/hr, fewer fish, less hourly rate, which means I have to start seriously grinding 5 hours a day...Which is fine, because lately I went back to my routine of getting up at 11 am, and sleeping at 3 am...I am putting in more sessions which each last 1-1.5 hour.
Profit this month so far is $2662 but is really closer to $3000 because of chops. I haven't played much so far in this 1st week, averaging about 3 hrs/day. My business w/ CJ is going real good...we're close to averaging 1 customer/day lol...I take care of receiving payments and he deals with their bullshit haha...Chinese customers=act like they own the shit out of you when you take their money...I.E. 30 yr old lady buys lingerie and continues bugging CJ about things like "hey do you think I would look good in this"?
Again, no profit goals this month, but definitely 1200 games by the 31st......FIRE
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