BEIJING PART 2

I don't feel like writing about what happened after part 1 anymore...as I look back, it's pretty meaningless. In short, I was scammed sorta for 3200 RMB by the realtor ppl....they made some threats and i honestly felt like jus settling so i can start doing wat im supposed to b doing.

I move in the new place, start pokering right away with about 1500 in my roll back in September...Soon I get raped by variance, BR dropped to as low as $400 and I played below $20 for the 1st time in 2 years. writing this shit makes me sad already but there's more...I manage to break even for september on Stars, at this point I was seriously considering getting staked and finally decided to do it thanks to robert and primo...fast forward to present, I am officially on my worst downswing ever...50 BIs under....I remember kkenkk said he had a -80 earlier this year and i remember seeing his graph on 2p2....-50 already feel soul crushing so i can't imagine what he went through...

i've been spoiled lately by just about everyone around me, ppl all trying to make me feel better...truth is i can't and i know this will go on til things turn around in poker...ever since I got here, its like poker put a curse on me...I admit though, other than poker every thing else is just fine...I'm used to not spewing $, in all honesty I got scammed again when alex came but I would also like to put that in the past....other than those 2 incidents, i've been very careful with money...the only purchase I made this month was confucius dialects in english/chinese at the bookstore nearby...hoping this shit will make me smarter and instil some kinda confidence in me again...

I have no choice but to keep going, this seriously feel like the end of th world...call me exageratting, ya'll can jus say "it's just money" but you won't understand it...CJ said earlier this shit's like the butterfly effect or soemthing...as much as i hate to admit...all this shit's related to motherfkn full tilt poker going down....back in april before this shit happened we were talking about everything with optimism...at times we both felt bored and jus wanted to do shit but we were both raking in considerable $ at the time...business was good and there were enough thtings to keep me busy...

so u see now, it's not just about the money, recently i ge tthe urge to go on a violent outbreak, i almost broke my coffee table in half the other day...i fkn hate full tilt for screwing my life over for the past 5 months...I thought i could recover but a string of events turned everything for the worst and I've suffered enough...

Friend of a friend helped me find a tutoring job, hopefully this will distract me a bit while i figure out jus WTF is going on...jus now i busted on the bubble of a mtt QQ < AQ....this downswing is almost at 2k games now....I hope my next entry would be something of a celebration.